I told myself I’d go on 10 internet dates in Alice Springs. After my first internet date turned out to be potentially the shortest date of all time, I got straight back online. Youthful optimism, desperation or naivety? Who knows. There were usually only 3-5 guys at a time who matched my stringent criteria (‘lives within 500km’ and ‘male seeking female’) so I spoke to them all online. Here’s the highlights package:
1. So, wat u do for work, jus art n shit? I work for dept justice yep that means prison warden lol. Prison! What a lolfest! ROFLfest in fact! Spelling aside, where am I supposed to go after my chosen career had been summed up with ‘n shit?’ I still met up for coffee with this guy. For 25 minutes.
2. I drive trucks got my own truck so we cud go 2 Uluru if u want cud be good way 2 get 2 no each other but sorry it wud hav 2 be 1 way unless u wanna come 2 adelaide A free 6 hour one way trip to Uluru with a complete stranger? What a great idea for a first date! NOT!
4. I am coming over from interstate in two months. I cannot wait until the magical moment when we finally meet. I added this guy because he was dressed up as a pirate in his profile picture. I couldn’t tell if he was sarcastic or serious, so I deleted him as a contact.
3. You’ve seen my photo. I’ve seen yours. Would you like to come around to my apartment tonight? Why not? Unfortunately I place a higher value on my personal safety than I do on perfect spelling, punctuation and sentence structure, that’s why, stud.
In between these stimulating online discussions I went on actual dates with an incredibly boring electrician with great cheekbones, a plumber (and his mother) and three dates with a Harley Davidson riding graphic designer. More on them next time…