Saturday Night in Beachville

While y’all can’t decide which hipster bar to go to I’m deciding between shouting at American Idol judges or shouting at Fashion Star on TV to write to you, my dear readers. Now that I’m back west I have nothing to report other than that I’ve joined the Darcytown gym. I now spend my evenings in a confined space with a bunch of intimidatingly large, tattooed, huffing and puffing triangular men. It’s become too hot to keep jogging, lunging and squatting my way around the oval with the Boot(y)camp.

Since I have nothing to report on the dating front, I’ll re-open the vault of endless stories of bad online dates I had in Alice Springs.

The beautiful, but unfortunately devoid of decent men, Alice Springs

The beautiful (but unfortunately devoid of decent men) Alice Springs

I had committed to ten online dates, by date number four I thought I might as well get some decent meals out of the experience. I’d forgotten that a dinner date locks you into a least an hour-long date as you order, wait, then eat your food. So I went on a harmless enough dinner date to a decent enough Chinese restaurant with a mildly attractive electrician.

The great thing about internet dating was getting to meet people I would never usually come in contact with in daily life. Then again, I met different people working for the Census, and I got paid for that! Through online dating I learnt about a lot of different occupations and learnt more than I ever want to know about cars, motorbikes and the alcohol content of different brands of beer. The men I dated were outside my social circle, were interested in different things and were generally really different from my friends. The problem was, I actually like my friends! I’d rather date people like them, who are interested in SOME of the same things as me so that we have something to talk about. There’s gotta be some car, bike and beer loving women out there for those other guys.

Anyway. So I’m at harmless restaurant with decent guy who has amazing bone structure in his face. I mean, his jawbone and cheekbones were incredible. He’d been in town for a few months, hadn’t made any friends, didn’t have any ‘pastimes’ or ‘hobbies.’ Not even bikes or beer! He just went from his job on night shift straight home to sleep. Our conversation consisted of me asking him a question and him answering it, often with a yes or no. No offerings of anecdotes. No return questions. I got sick of interrogating him and monologued for a while. I told him about the Flashmobs I organized and invited him to a first rehearsal the following day. Our food came and we ate in silence. He grinned at me whenever I looked at him.

He must have been perfectly happy with the ‘comfortable’ silence, as he asked me out on another date. My desperation should come as no surprise to you by now, dear readers, when I tell you that I accepted. The next day he rocked up to rehearsal, but sat in a corner and watched. When my friends asked who the guy in the corner was, I explained he was a guy I met on the internet but I didn’t introduce them. I knew it was over. Who comes along to a rehearsal just to watch? Either join in or don’t come! His failure to grasp the inclusive and participatory nature of Flashmobs was the final straw. We parted with the usual ‘I just don’t think we’re compatible’ text message. Sometimes good facial bone structure just isn’t not enough.

Until next time, dear readers, here’s hoping I bump into and American Idol hating/secretely loving, participatory dance appreciating kind of guy with appropriately sized shoulder muscles at the gym. Ha!

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