The brown leather couch should have been a warning.
There I was looking out of glass walls at the city from the 27th floor, in the poshest foyer I’ve ever waited in, thinking “Is this who I am? Am I executive enough to be here? Am I corporate enough for this couch? Am I really someone who is a client of a match making service?”
When booking the appointment with the exclusively labeled ‘Blue Label Life’ (initial consultation FREE!) I’d been asked to think about what I’m looking for in a man.
In the world of (remote desert area) online dating my only criteria has previously been: gender (male), age (26-36) and location (within 500 ks). This has led some excellent conversation and introduced me to a creepy pub manager, an Italian Engineer with a 6 figure salary, a guy who brought his Mum to our first date and of course Motorbike Man. In the big city, I can probs be more selective, eh?
Surely there’s gotta be LOLs. He must laugh at most of my jokes and be funny himself, with witty repartee being the main aim.
We don’t always have to agree, but we’ve gotta have something to yarn about. This’d be easier if he’s travelled a bit, done interesting jobs and studied something so he’s capable of critical thinking. We should share some core values like integrity, justice and creativity. He need not be a rockstar, but a dabbler in some form of art, even if it’s just on weekends.
He should dabble in other things too, have things that he’s passionate about. Board games, self-composting toilets, mountain biking, gardening, Hinduism, vegan weightlifting, sky diving, fish of the West Kimberley, I don’t care, as long as his excitement is catching.
He should be comfortable outdoors. Knowing how to light a fire and put up a tent is totally hawt.
Winning at life is also pretty attractive, but self awareness is hotter. I don’t wanna journey alone. I’m much more interested in peeps who know where they’re at, and even if they’re not totally clear on where they’re going, have some sense of moving forward. He should be pretty OK with who he is.
I’m also a sucker for charisma and confidence but above all else, he must dance, not necessarily very well, but with joy, and with me, often.
Let’s go back to the match making service waiting room on the 27th floor of this building:
A leggy blonde in a suit and heels invites me into a small office. “Just think of me as a really old friend,” she says, so we talk about my dream boyf. I start thinking that this chick really could be my friend, maybe she could really find me my ‘ideal life partner!’ She’s from the country, she gets me! She’s got a 92% success rate! She’ll do rigorous screening! She’s got a scientist adventurer client who writes songs who would be PERFECT for me! She’ll give me relationship advice and a photo shoot for my profile picture! She’ll save me from spending hours trawling through online profiles! She’ll select the good ones for me and talk me through each possibility!
45 minutes later, my new BFF gets down to business. I can get four ‘introductions’ for a bargain price of $2,500. That’s a cool $625 per date! Or six introductions and a personal stylist for an extra thousand. I tell her I’ll look at my budget and see if I can invest that much ‘in myself’ at this point in time.
In the lift back down to planet earth, I remember I’ve booked into speed dating in a few days time. For $48 I’ll meet 19 men, which is an even cooler $2.50 per date. This seems like a much better investment. I’ve done speed dating in K-Hole once before, but maybe with more fish in a bigger pool it’ll be better.
Time to put that blue dress back on, which also has about a 92% success rate…