Schmoebs (August 2014)

 

Today I floated in the ocean

I let it take me where it wanted me to go

Which wasn’t far at all

But I gave in anyway

 

Then I shat, showered and shaved and did my hair and put on a dress

To go over the road to watch a footy game I didn’t follow on telly

because: small town

 

 

Most days I wear baggy shorts and loose cotton teeshirts

because: old religious ladies and teenage boys and cultural sensitivity and sun smart and heat

 

 

I am a man here in the desert

I am practical and I am hard

I think that’s bullshit sometimes when people talk

I cover my flesh and let my leg hair grow

I drive around listening to gangsta rap and Tina Turner with twelve year olds

I avoid eye contact as I hand over bags of food and mumble sorry for your loss

 

 

I told my parents I was taking anti-depressants. It was a weird conversation.

I don’t even want to do a good job anymore, I just want to do it and then go home, wherever that is.

I don’t give much of a shit about anything now

I can’t think of things to say

I can’t pretend I’m happy to see people in the morning

I am not in my real life

 

 

In the city, I used to think about what I wore almost every day

I would even do my hair and strut around walking to the tram in time with the music on my iPod.

 

 

But up here I have seen some zebra finches and two early whales on morning walks.

 

Things are generally OK here I guess.

 
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