Some get sad on their birthdays. Some find Christmas hard, or weddings, or long weekends or Father’s Day. I get vulnerable around Valentine’s Day. Maybe it’s just me. That marker, yearly. That day of celebrating something I don’t have. I’m 32. I’ve been single for ten years. I know I need to get ok with the idea that I might be single for another ten years. I know that today is just another day and tomorrow will be infinitely better and that really I have a full life that I love, but sometimes it’s ok to just sit with your sadness a little.
I’ve written before about ways I’ve spent the day in the past, and ideas for how to spend it in future. Yet yesterday I found myself sitting on the kitchen floor weeping to mournful bush ballads. I didn’t really understand why, but it felt good.
So that’s my only advice if you happen to be finding it hard, today or any day, for any reason really: just stop and weep. You don’t need to get back on the horse every day, and all those other fish in the sea can just keep swimming. Even horse-riding fisherwomen have to get off their horses and put down their rods every now and then.
With gentle regards,
Sometimes all you need to do
is cry into the washing up.
Then get your favourite tumbler
add a dash of your favourite Tasmanian whisky
take it upstairs and put your dressing gown on.
Get out your laptop and load some songs you know will make you cry onto your phone and put it with some headphones into your pocket.
Put a candle and some matches in your other pocket
and with a nice writing notebook and pen in one hand and your whisky in the other
climb out onto the roof.
Grab a pillow to sit on.
Put a song on and if tears don’t come you’ll probably think well this is lame it’s late anyway I should just go to bed and it’s cold up here
You’ve done everything you could!
You’ve created a moment for melancholy!
Trust that it’ll come!
Light the candle and leave it and walk over to the edge of the house,
get comfy on that cushion and lean back.
Drink some whisky.
Look at the moon.
Listen to the music.
The tears will come.
Let it wash over you.
Don’t try and name the feeling or figure out what it is or where it came from or why,
leave those thoughts for later.
For now, just trust yourself.
For now, this is what you need-
to weep silently by candlelight with whisky under the moon.